like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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