Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
