Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
