You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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