took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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