if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
