In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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