school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
