im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
