i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
