i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize