Are we in a gay sports bar?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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