She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
