i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
