I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
