So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
