You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
