ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
