I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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