Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
