dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
