can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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