i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
