so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Come see our sink grown plant.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
