True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
