im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
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