I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
