Where did you get a picture of my penis
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
