do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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