I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
