When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You are the jesus of drinking
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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