people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
