i would punch a child for taco bell
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
