Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
