so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
