butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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