There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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