She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
