Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
