"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
