You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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