Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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