I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
