i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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