We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
