I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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