Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Life without a bra equals bliss.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
