My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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