I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
