Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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