i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
