i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He has the fingertips of a God
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