Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
