we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Fuck appropriateness.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
