We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
