College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
