seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
