I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
