Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
