College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
