Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
