Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
