I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
