I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
