he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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