that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
