Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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