RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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