I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
