Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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